My journey to health has been the process of choosing myself- over and over and over again.
Saying no to things that were draining my energy, even when it was hard and my people-pleasing patterns showed up strongly.
Read MoreChronic illness has been the biggest lesson in acceptance.
Unfortunately, this is not a one-time thing.
It’s a process of resistance- feeling the anger, grief, disappointment, frustration- for varying periods of time and then coming back into acceptance. And then being triggered and doing the whole thing all over again.
Read MoreThere is a breaking point when you’ve realized you’ve done SO much healing- physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, nervous system work, subconscious reprogramming, making big changes in your life, stepping outside of your comfort zone, etc. And all of these have helped tremendously in certain ways. And you are a much more authentic version of yourself. AND you are still dealing with pretty debilitating physical issues.
Read MoreI have an upcoming workshop in Portugal. The thought of going feels expansive, exciting, exhilarating.
And terrifying.
Because the truth is, I have spent most of this past year apartment-bound, most days in bed.
Read MoreWhen I got really sick, I created a “when I’m better” list of all of the things I planned to do when I felt better.
One of the things was start a business.
Last week, I started getting flu-like symptoms. I thought it was possibly a sinus infection. The next morning I woke up feeling even worse- achy, feverish, sore throat, sinus pain and pressure, nausea, fatigue, weakness, headache, with chills and sweats.
Read MoreMy whole life I felt like I needed to be doing something “productive” at all times- working, studying, going out, exercising, etc.
Enter Lyme. I was stuck in bed, unable to work, unable to move, in physical and emotional pain. My brain felt like mush and it was hard to read, think, or talk. I could barely do anything, let alone anything “productive.” At times, all I could do was sleep, eat, and shower (and even those were a struggle.) I felt guilt, shame, and embarrassment.
I made it through my first year back at school.
After two years on medical leave, I was nervous about returning to work in September, even part-time. It meant waking up at 5:50am, commuting over an hour, walking up and down five flights of stairs all day picking up and dropping off students, working with special needs kids who need a lot of attention, and then commuting an hour home.
So I was reminded how unpredictable chronic symptoms are this week, unfortunately while on vacation in Colombia.
I haven’t mentioned it much on here, but every month I deal with intense PMS symptoms (unbearable cramps, nausea, achiness, headaches, sweats, chills, and occasional vomiting and lightheadedness) for 2-5 days each month. I plan everything around this, including this trip, and I have always been able to do so with accuracy.
When I discovered I was an empath a couple of years ago, so many things made sense.
Like why I needed naps every day after middle school and high school, before I had health issues. Why I started crying hysterically on Valentine’s Day during my sophomore year of college but wasn’t consciously sad. Why I started crying the second I walked into a hospital waiting room.